More Notes

From my 2007 notebook:

I can give you a more direct communication from my pen than from my mouth.

Everyone thought her beautiful, and yet she always wondered why it was that the leaves always burst with beauty as a prelude to their deaths. Before they fall, brown and completely devoid of life, they leapt in celebration, flowing red and orange and golden and yellow on the branches enveloped by an autumn gust. This, this was beauty, and it was beauty awaiting death. If others thought her beautiful, what was she awaiting?

Notes and Notebooks

I'm going through a box of old notebooks right now, trying to mine them for potential new poems that could grow out of old ideas or visions.

Instead, I've come across all of my Heidegger Language... things I wrote when I was right in the thick of his Phenomenology, when it permeated my everyday. I miss those days.

September 22nd, 2006

"I woke up today thinking of Heidegger, wanting to write down my attunement -- my being's disposition upon awaking from a dream. I'm having a difficult time, however, between all classes and responsibilities that I feel my soul is divided and portioned off to everyone but me. I do not hold stock on my own time, currently. I can't find the small notebook that I used to keep by my bed last year -- maybe I can wake up a few minutes earlier in order to write down my dreams or early-morning thoughts. My attunement at the current moment is almost shying away from the world which is forcing itself upon me in such a forceful way. Something is out of balance. So much is protruding from the background vying for me to dedicate my attention to it and make it a figure. Gestalt! Give me time. I don't have the room, the focus, or the sanity for all these figures to co-exist at the same time, and they are forced to my attention. Let me cast my eye on that which catches my attention, not that which demands it. My attunement in the world is a state of overwhelment. I shy away and retreat to day. The world is too aggressive right now."